Something Greater than Self-actualization and Competency

A couple days ago, I read a short biography of the life of St. Bonaventure. Here’s an excerpt from the iBreviary app:

Sanctity and learning raised Bonaventure to the Church’s highest honors, and from a child he was the companion of Saints. Yet at heart he was ever the poorer Franciscan friar. He was the friend of St. Thomas Aquinas, who asked him one day from where he drew his great learning. He replied by pointing to his crucifix. At another time Saint Thomas found him in ecstasy while writing the life of St. Francis, and exclaimed, “Let us leave a Saint to write of a Saint.” They received the Doctor’s hat together. He was the guest and advisor of St. Louis IX, and the director of St. Isabella, the king’s sister. At the age of 35, he was made general of his Order; and only escaped another dignity, the Archbishopric of York, by tears and entreaties. When the Saint then heard of the Pope’s resolve to make him a Cardinal, he quietly made his escape from Italy. On his way, he stopped to rest himself at a convent of his order near Florence; and there two Papal messengers, sent to meet him with the Cardinal’s hat, found him washing the dishes. The Saint desired them to hang the hat on a nearby bush and take a walk in the garden until he had finished. Then, taking up the hat with unfeigned sorrow, he joined the messengers back to Rome. His piety and eloquence won over the Greeks to Catholic union, and later he was honored by being first to speak at the Council of Lyons. He died in 1274 during that council.

I had come across Bonaventure before, but only as a companion to Thomas Aquinas. But his life inspires me. He must have been devoted and committed to study, to prayer, and an incredibly gifted speaker. And how he used those gifts is so inspiring for me. He accomplished so much for Academe, unity in the Church, and for the people in the diocese he led. And obviously, people saw that in him. All the honors heaped upon him and the positions he was offered are a testament to how many people recognized how incredibly gifted he was. And he seemed so rooted in a fruitful and sustaining prayer life.

Honestly, I’m a little jealous—Bonaventure developed his gifts so well and was so competent for the responsibilities of his life. As a young 20-something, that sounds so amazing. And as an “under-appreciated” youth ministry coordinator (all YMs feel that way, I know) that kind of recognition and appreciation would be a huge motivator to keep going and doing so much good work. I definitely aspire to imitate Bonaventure’s life and accomplishments, certainly in this time of my life.

But it doesn’t seem like Bonaventure felt similarly. Rather than his accomplishments and competency motivating him to be more active in public life, they only seemed to drive him further and further away from it. Bonaventure seemed really drawn to a humble, simple life—washing the dishes, serving his immediate community, working in the garden, etc. Only obedience to superiors and the Holy Spirit kept him in the public sphere.

Why is this the case? What did Bonaventure see in his daily, menial tasks that I don’t? Or was Bonaventure (a little) afraid of the responsibility of such positions and prestige? Is there justification for such a fear? I have so many unanswered questions about Bonaventure’s habit to flee prestige and position.

I see a lot of similarity in our world to Bonaventure’s. There’s a lot of division between peoples, and sometimes over small and relatively insignificant disagreements. There’s a lot of ignorance about important issues, and the lives of our political and religious leaders are being found to be hypocritical and shameful.

I often think that we need a charismatic, well-loved, virtuous leader (like Bonaventure) to unite us, to create new programs that transform lives and spread across the world, and to be the face of a new way of living as a Catholic and a community. And I always hear that call fall back on me—that if I think we need this, I should be that person to lead the new era of unity, evangelization, and Christian formation, because (as a principle) if I’m willing to ask that of someone else, I should be willing to offer myself for the job as well.

And it stresses me out! Just this first year in youth ministry has revealed many of my insecurities, incompetencies, and gifts that I just don’t have. In some ways, I think the difference between Bonaventure and me is competency. And while I am trying to be patient with myself and learning a lot, I’m still jealous and baffled by Bonaventure’s flight from the public life. I imagine he saw how much good he could do for so many people. I’m sure he was aware of his gifts and how competent he was as a leader. But he felt no compulsion to seek out those kinds of positions or even accept them, certainly not in the way I feel compelled to do the same.

I’m drawn to two explanations:

1. Public figures are always subject to controversy, calumny, and criticism. In other words, it’s not that great of a life.
2. Bonaventure knew how good the life of prayer, sacrifice, and contemplation was for him and the world, even better than public, political activity.

And I guess that’s a testament to how much I don’t know and how much I have yet to learn. So maybe the difference between Bonaventure and me is more than competency. Maybe I still have so much to learn about public leadership and the interior life. I just hope that I can continue to grow, experience, and understand just that by God’s grace and the prayers of St. Bonaventure.